“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her,”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:25‬ ‭AMP‬‬

Remember being a little girl on the playground at school plucking petals from flowers in hopes of finding out if he loved you or not? I remember little crushes in the 3rd and 4th grade and wondering if that was really how you could tell if the cutest boy in class liked you or not. Girls long to be loved, adored, and chased. Did you play chase in elementary school on the play ground? That was so fun. I remember in Star, Mississippi, the boys chasing the girls all over that playground. We acted like we didn’t like it, but we know we did. 

Ya know, we still want to be chased. But are you being chased, loved, and adored the way you long to be? If not, I understand. There was a time or three in our marriage when I felt that way, too. But, I have good news – if you aren’t being chased, there are a couple of things you might consider doing to help turn the tide in your relationship. The fate of relationships aren’t up to the petals of a flower. It is very much up to you and your partner.

 

Try this for starters… show him respect every day, especially in front of people. When he deserves it and, yep, even when he doesn’t.  { Eph. 5:33 } You want him to love you when you don’t deserve it, so guess what? He needs you to respect him whether he deserves it or not. Before long, he will live up to that respect and begin to chase you like nobody’s business. You show him respect, and he will be puddy in your hands drooling all over himself to love you. I know it almost sounds manipulative, but it’s not really. It’s just cause and effect, which goes both ways. Somebody’s got to step up first to get the victorious cycle going and the vicious cycle gone.

 

Secondly, try this. Run if you want him to chase you. We get busy. Years go by without us being chased or feeling loved, approved of, or whatever the excuse may be, which leads us to stop being our best. You want to be chased? Take the effort to be your best, and I don’t only mean on the outside. Stop fussing all the time. Become fun to be around. You might just find that he will chase you again and give you the love you desperately need.  Also, look up information about being enmeshed vs. differentiated. You may need to run in the sense of becoming your own person a little bit again and playing a little hard to get. Being a door mat is not attractive. Be confident and differentiated.

 

Lastly, pray and look to God to fill that need. Read Song of Solomon and fall head over heels in love with Jesus. I’ve done this during the times in my marriage when there were rough spots, and guess what? As I sought the Lord, He changed me, and it’s amazing how that changed “us”. The more you adore God, the more adorable you will become. 

Now, of course there are situations where you just have a real jerk on your hands, and professional help is needed. If so, get help. But in most cases, these three tips can get you back on track to feeling loved, adored, and chased like you desired as a little girl on the playground plucking those petals off the flowers. 

Happy Valentine’s! Happy Monday!