I remember it like it was yesterday, though it’s been a few years now—the day I sent my eldest son on his way to begin his senior year. Having coffee in my favorite chair in the kitchen after doing what I had long anticipated, wondering how it would feel. It was all so surreal. I won’t bore you with the typical, “it seems like just yesterday I was sending him off to 1st grade…”. But I will tell you this, I am so happy for the advice I got when my kids were young from some missionary friends in Ireland, which may be the all around best parenting advice ever. It went like this : 

 

“It is a fallacy to think that as they grow up, they need you less.” This wise man went on to tell me, “No! In fact, they need you more. Why do you think there are so many rebellious teenagers? It’s because our society tells us they need us less as they go into their teen years. That’s when parents get busier and leave them to their own devises. Please don’t do that!” he warned me. It was one of those God-moments that I will always cherish. I am so glad I took that man’s advice. Yes, we are all busy, but we have endeavored to put in the time. Time is something that once it’s gone, it’s gone.

 

Years ago, a friend posted on social media how proud she was of her daughter that she could trust her enough to leave her at home alone as she and her husband took a trip together during the summer. A few summers back, that Instagram post came back to me about this family I respect and look to for inspiration. Kevin and I took the plunge and decided to trust our boys and let them get a taste of independence while we enjoyed a trip for a few days with friends. I, like my friend had been, am so thankful that we were able to do that and came home to a house all in one piece and boys who had made good decisions in our absence.  

 

So you may be thinking, “Wait a minute. I thought you were saying they need more time from you as they become teenagers. Then you proceed to write of how you left them totally to themselves?!” So, the point is this: If we put in the time around the dinner table along the way and have a solid relationship, then we can trust them and let them test out their wings while still in our care. This way, when they fall a bit, we are there not to helicopter over them but from a safe, comfortable distance, help them get back up and try again. I think a real key is letting them feel independent, respecting their need for that while still being there to guide them. My parents were great at this, so I had really good models of this delicate balance. And I am ever grateful. 

 

Oh God, help me savor every moment with my boys and help every mother reading this do the same wherever they are on their journey. The ones who have college freshmen, let them approach this year with excitement and faith just as their students are. My friend said something so smart to me when her baby was a freshman in college. She said, “Why does empty nest have to be negative and a syndrome? What can’t I just be happy like my daughter for not only her next step and phase in life but also for mine?” She is a smart one! That’s why she is my BFF. 😂 

Wherever you are, I pray this helps. Have small children? Tuck this away for later. A grandmother and already been there, done that? Share this with your kids or friends who may need to read this.  

Happy Monday,

#HappyMONDAYblog