Love you! Love you more! Love you most! Remember in high school fussing over who loved who the most? Those fun, sweet memories actually made me think back to more recent times within the past decade or so when I have felt like I loved more and most really wanting someone to match my love, effort, and willingness to “stay at the table” and “cuss and discuss” until we worked it out. But instead they left. They just up and left! What? I grew up in a family where there was a lot of cussing and discussing and at the end of the day there was always forgiveness and complete restoration. No walking on eggshells. No underlying tension. None of that. There could be intense conflict but there was always a knowing that unconditional love was there and nobody was ever ever leaving. Never. So I was so confused when people would just up and leave my life over the silliest of situations so I thought. We all love out of a flawed love because we are human and we mess up. So there I found myself in relationships where they didn’t love me more or most. They would say they loved me but here’s what love looks like: who will stay at the table when you don’t deserve for them to and love you more or even most? Who will put up with you flaws and all and expect the same from you with them? That is someone to be thankful for! That is someone who goes on your lovers list. Lovers list?! Yep! I actually, one day, in so much pain and loss and hurt, sat down and drew a line down the middle of a piece of my kids’ notebook paper out of one of their school binders and wrote Lovers at the top left and Haters at the top right. I was certain the Haters list would run into page after page…it felt like it at the time. But something so mind-blowing happened. Check this out!

I wrote feverishly on the right side of that paper for a minute or so and maybe a dozen-ish names flowed easily from my pen. As they did there was a certain level of satisfaction that came realizing something like this: Ok, so there it is! In black and white. It’s on paper. These are haters. These are people I wanted to lock arms with and shop together for the rest of my life. I still have imagery in my head to this very day of coffee dates with them even all these years later, even after how things went down. But still, in reality, there they are…….in THAT column. And ya know what? I’m ok. I choose to make peace with it and carry on. Some days are easier than others and oh how I long to reach out and attempt for the 49th time to clear the air, make things right, get to the bottom of it. But I instead have chosen to believe wise counsel in my life who have told me that when someone tells you they want to leave your life, believe them! Ugh! Really?! No! Surely I could change their minds! Take it from me, you can’t! I’ve tried and I’ve been told I could sell ice to an Eskimo so just scream to the top of your lungs like the Frozen girl and let it go! Here’s how!

The “how to cope” is found on the left side of the page. Remember? Thought I forgot didn’t ya?! Now to the Lovers 🙂 If you do this simple exercise you are going to be amazed at how fun this is, oh, all the feels you are about to get, and best of all how quickly pain is replaced with happiness. Watch this: Of course I started on the Haters side of the paper! Wouldn’t you if you were searching for emotional, relational relief ? But to my surprise, as I jotted name after name on the left side of my paper, tears began to flow, happy tears, tears of thankfulness and gratitude and love. I couldn’t stop, writing that is. The list spilled over on to the back of the page and soon I realized I could have kept going and going and going. I wrote down not only close friends and families but then I went on to write names of people I wanted to get to know more and do you know that some of those people are now some of my closest friends?!!!!! This simple little exercise completely changed my life and brought so much healing to me and I hope it will for you, too! Now, be fair and be generous when you make the lovers list. There are more than you think!

So try it! You will be amazed. This is from page 61 in my latest book, Love ANYWAY and there is a whole lot more that will help you navigate difficult relationships and loss of relegation ship in that chapter called Love you, Love you more, Love you most!

Also, if this blog speaks to you please consider getting the online course as well!!!! It really digs into lots more things like this when relationships get messy, when to speak up and when to shut up, when enough is enough, and the keys to maintaining healthy relationships. You can find all of this at AdrienneCooley.com

Also, please email me at hello@happyanyway.org if you would like help finding a Christian counselor or a life coach or if you just have any further questions or prayer I might could help you with! If it’s above my pay grade, I have lots of people on the Lovers side of my paper I can refer you to who are amazing and have resources and help you might can benefit from! Such as I have, give I thee!!!! It’s why I breathe!!!!!

Happy Monday!

XO,

Adrienne Cooley

PS Pleeeeease go on Amazon and write a review for me for Love ANYWAY & Happy ANYWAY too if you have read them both! It really will help with the Algorithms I’m told and help me spread the happy and share the love!!! You get to be part of it all just by writing a review!!! Thank you so much!!!! xoxoxoxo