Ingredients of Grace:

Gratitude
Understanding
Attitude of Humility
Commitment to forgiveness
Excessive amounts of Love

Here’s what I keep finding over and over when talking with people, working with people, and living with people:

Grace, Grace, and more GRACE is needed for them as they deal with me and for me as I deal with them. If I don’t know you super well, live with you, sweat with you, handle very difficult situations with you, disagree with, be disappointed by you & disappoint you…….and all of this over and over, well, of course I think you’re amazing & you think I am amazing. Chances are, you truly are and me, too! LOL

If we don’t live together, or do life together day to day, chances are we also don’t travel to Hawaii or the Rocky Mountains or India or Europe or to the beach together. We probably do not snow ski together or go out on the boat together or road trip together a ton. Those are things we do with family and the closest of friends.

The point of all that is this: unless we are close enough to see the junk we are wading through and the joy we are jumping for, we probably don’t need a lot of grace with each other. But if you are THAT CLOSE TO ME, you know it AIN’t ALL PRETTY. And if I’M THAT CLOSE TO YOU, I KNOW HOW YOU CAN BE SOMETIMES. Hence we BOTH NEED GRACE, GRACE AND MORE GRACE with each other.

When I’ve had it with someone, the first thing I do in order to practice what I preach and love ANYWAY, is to choose to be grateful for them and be grateful for the times they are patient with me.

When I’m having a hard time forgiving someone or wishing someone would forgive me, understanding even rightful reasons for them to be upset with me or me upset with them, I think this: we are ALL called to the ministry of reconciliation. Then I ask myself, “Is my heart clear and have I done all I know to do to reconcile?” If yes and the ball is in their court (and sometimes it is), am I here willing and ready to receive them if they chose to leave but now want to reconnect, am I ready to offer reconciliation? Sometimes with new established boundaries if lines have been crossed and that’s ok and even best.

If someone has crossed the line with you, forgiveness is still in order but so is an apology and true repentance on both sides for relationship to be restored to its original integrity. However, an apology on their part is not required for you to offer understanding in order for things to be reconciled to some degree. Giving understanding to why they felt the way they felt, understanding that they misunderstood, or even giving understanding to them that they were wronged and maybe by you whether by accident or on purpose. Giving understanding is the biggest difference maker you can give in a troubled relationship that could make the biggest difference. And if reconciliation doesn’t occur after you’ve genuinely and wholeheartedly offered understanding in a letter or over coffee or lunch, then your heart can be clear. You will go free knowing you gave forgiveness, understanding, and grace with the hope of sincere love being expressed and experienced. Love never fails.

Relationships can get messy. Reconciliation is maybe the hope and normally my prayer but unfortunately not always possible because there are multiple perspectives, beliefs, usually misunderstandings on both sides, and differing wills involved.
How can two walk together unless they agree? The more you can try and promote agreement or connect on what you do agree on, the better.

One thing that helps so much with reconciliation is humility. Where there is no humility, there is no grace. Humility seeks to understand rather than to be understood. Humility yields more than corrects and interrupts. Humility says, maybe just maybe I’m wrong. Humility is self aware and there is a posture of humility that produces peace and preferring the other. There is no sass or pride or know it all attitude in humility. People who are humble speak well of others and choose to believe the best of others. When you think of humble people, you think of people who get along well with others and who are not drama mamas, creating strife, gossiping and always complaining. Humble people are not quick to criticize and complain but more apt to be grateful and speak with a kind tone. When we have grace for people, we humble ourselves and sometimes even let them get their way, not demanding your right but instead just prefer the other and praying for the eyes of their understanding to be opened and praying the same for yourself.

Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. Forgiveness is not optional but that doesn’t mean you have to hang out if every time you get close again, drama ensues. Forgiveness brings so much freedom, though. Do it for yourself as much as for the other so you can go free from the bondage. Once you do, you’ll notice much more grace for the situation and on your life.

The main most ingredient of grace is LOVE & loads of it!!! Within love will come patience so you can have patience with people. Joy will give you strength to yield to grace instead of frustration. Kindness will rescue you from losing your cool. Faithfulness will help you stay at the table. Peace will guide you to know what to do next in the situation. All the other fruit play a part in having GRACE, GRACE, and more GRACE with those in your life!

Happy Monday Y’all!

XO,
Adrienne