In a world that constantly tells us who to be, how to look, and how to get a guy, it’s easy to lose sight of what truly matters—your own worth and the confidence that comes from within. In our previous blog, Balancing Happiness: Spirit, Soul, and Body, we touched on this, but today, let’s dive deeper into a powerful truth: your happiness and confidence are not contingent on anyone else—they start with you.

This idea is beautifully encapsulated in my first book, Happy Anyway where we explore how to be happy. Remember, Happy Girls Are The Prettiest Girls. Studies have shown that Guys want more than anything to make their girl happy but what if she was already happy? What if nothing he can do would really make her happy? What if the bible were true? When it says “Happy are those who trust in the Lord”? To help you navigate this journey, “How to get a guy” or if you have one already how to keep him or how to enjoy him and him enjoy you, here’s a checklist that every woman can keep close as she moves through life with grace, wisdom, and strength.

1. Fortify Your Self-Image

• Recognize Your Worth in Christ

Colossians 2:10 (GW) says, “And God has made you complete in Christ. Christ is in charge of every ruler and authority.” This means you are whole as you are, and no one—no man—can complete you. That completeness is found only in Christ.

• Focus on the Things Above

Colossians 3:1-4 (GW) instructs us to “focus on the things that are above—where Christ holds the highest position. Keep your mind on things above, not on worldly things.” What dominates your thoughts? That’s where your focus lies.

• Build Healthy Relationships

Whether you’re eagerly searching for Mr. Right or are content in your singleness, it’s crucial to develop healthy, non-romantic relationships. Spend time nurturing your friendships and family connections. Remember, “Christ is your life.” When Christ is your foundation, you approach romantic relationships from a place of strength, not need.

2. Teach People How to Treat You

• Assess Your Self-Esteem

People will treat you based on how you see yourself. If your self-esteem is low, you’re setting yourself up for poor treatment. Some women, especially those who didn’t grow up with the love and reassurance of a father, may cling to any man who shows them attention, leading to unhealthy and sometimes harmful relationships. But we don’t have to stay stuck here. We have a new Father. We have new DNA. And we have a new mindset that produces a new self image. So yield to the mind of Christ that is yours once you are Born Again and assess that Self-Esteem.

• Set Boundaries

Without healthy self-esteem, you’re bound to make poor choices in men. If you find yourself with someone who mistreats you, don’t stick around hoping he’ll change. You deserve to be treated like a queen, and if he can’t see that now, he never will. Women with healthy self-esteem naturally attract positive, life-giving relationships.

3. Qualify the Guy

• Evaluate Key Qualities

Before you get too involved with someone, take time to ask yourself some crucial questions:

• Does he have his own relationship with Christ?
• Are your beliefs compatible?
• Is he a hard worker with a stable job?
• How does he relate to his family?

These questions are non-negotiables and will help you discern whether he’s worth your time and heart.

4. Verify Your Observations

• Observe Over Time

Maturity means learning to put a process between a desire and the result you’re after. Take your time in relationships. Anyone can put on a good show for a while, but over time, true character reveals itself. Consider the following:

• Does he crumble under pressure?
• Is he patient or quick-tempered?
• What do your friends and family think about him?
• What does your pastor or mentor say?

Time is your ally in relationships. Don’t rush into anything. A man’s true nature will reveal itself if you give it time.

5. Own Your Happiness
It’s time to take control of your happiness:

• DECIDE to be happy independently. This ensures that if you do find love, you’ll be happy in love rather than depending on love to make you happy.
• DETERMINE to focus on the vibrant, healthy relationships you already have with God, family, and friends. If any of these relationships are unhealthy, it might be time to either remove or restructure them.
• DO IT! Channel your relational longings toward Jesus and fall in love with Him like never before. Use this time to become the best version of yourself—a version that one day, a lucky man will cherish. Until then, being happy and available is the best way to confidently navigate life.

As you work through this checklist, remember that your worth isn’t determined by anyone else. It’s firmly rooted in Christ. So, as you apply these principles, know that you are complete in Him, and happiness is something you carry with you—not something you find in another person. 

After all, “Happy girls are the prettiest,” and you, my dear, are both.

XO,

Adrienne

Join Us for Happy Girl 2024!

And guess what? You can experience more of this joy and happiness in person! Join us for Happy Girl 2024 in beautiful Mobile, AL on September 20th. It’s going to be a day filled with inspiration, connection, and a celebration of the happiness that comes from embracing God’s love. Click here to register and be part of this uplifting event. I can’t wait to see you there!

Adrienne Cooley is a speaker, author, and pastor’s wife who loves to inspire and connect with people. Adrienne created a happy sisterhood where women come together online and at her annual Happy Girl Conference to encourage each other, laugh together, and hear from God through amazing speakers each year. Adrienne’s first book Happy ANYWAY was the beginning of a series of women’s devotionals. Find More Topics on Our Blog