A little rejection never killed any one! But the way you respond to it could. Let’s take a close look at how to handle rejection.

Rejection…what is rejection?

Rejection, or the verb Reject, meaning “to throw” or “to throw back“, may refer to:

• Social rejection, in psychology, an interpersonal situation that occurs when a person or group of people exclude an individual from a social relationship

Have you ever felt “thrown back” or excluded from a social relationship? 

 Studies reveal that the number one fear of humanity is public speaking and according to Psychology Today, that’s due to the fear of rejection that possibly comes along with it. Why is the fear of rejection so monmouth  for us? It’s because even as far back as primitive times, being ostracized from your social group usually meant death. Staying together equaled higher chances of survival. That’s not the case today so much due to giant predators looming about but it is still true for us emotionally and that need is still at our core. Ever heard the saying “strength in numbers” ? It’s true. We are better together and rejection is for sure no fun for any of us. 

Let me just tell you that this is actually what I was crying out to God about over 2 years ago as a Pastor’s wife when I basically told God, “I don’t think I can take this anymore…people just coming in and out of my life completely at their will leaving me heartbroken and feeling rejected over and over.” As I told the Lord that I was not going to continue down this path and surely He could help me figure out my way of escape, He so lovingly replied letting me know that escaping this was not my answer because it would continue for many more years. The answer was and still is to learn how to be happy ANYWAY! It was not the answer I was looking for but instead the answer I needed to hear. It was at this realization that I came to be determined to own my happy wether people come or people go. If you know anything about ministry you know your life is a revolving door and people come into your life telling you how wonderful you are and how you have saved their lives and then leave your life slamming the door in your face because you are a horrible person who didn’t measure up in some way. I have quite a list of all the many ways I don’t measure up in dozens of people’s summations. 

And before you falsely judge this post, keep reading. The point of this is in no way to beg sympathy. I may have needed that a few years ago but not now…happy ANYWAY is so the only way to be!  In fact this post isn’t really about me at all. It’s written 100% with you in mind because I know if I have dealt with this, you probably have too on some level. The whole point is to share with you how to get through rejection. Have I completely learned ? No, absolutely not. Not sure we are ever “there” but if what I’ve learned the hard way can help anyone, I’ld love it.  

 

So how to cope with rejection? 

1- Don’t try to pretend it isn’t happening. When we pretend it isn’t happening, we keep our hearts open to just get hurt over and over to the point of major emotional damage.

1 Corinthians 13 says that love thinks the best. And while love does think the best…when someone is constantly not thinking the best of you, nor is willing to discuss the matter to make things right,  you do not have to keep your heart open to that person or group of people who have rejected you. I’m very much a restorative type person at my core so to leave a matter unattended to with people that mean a lot to me is torture. But I’m learning that trying to fix something that another doesn’t want fixed will only continue to cause more pain for all involved. So don’t mix up “thinking the best of someone” and pretending against all obvious signs that everything is ok. Face it head on with confidence and grace {Jesus, please help me with the grace part!} 😜 The pain may not go away for a while. The way to face it may be include no action except prayer or it may involve communicating about it. Every situation is different. Don’t be afraid of the pain or suppress it. Face it and cast your care of it, “the whole of your anxiety” about it over onto God’s shoulders.

Know this ~ you are not alone and the Holy Spirit is your great Comforter. Also, remember this: What doesn’t kill ya makes ya stronger! 💪 

2- Do not begin to think that it’s all your fault, their fault or someone else’s fault. The blame game is no fun and nobody wins. When someone is rejected, there are obviously reasons. But unless both parties want to resolve the conflict, it will not be resolved. One thing I have learned while writing “Happy ANYWAY” is that one of the keys to happiness is learning how to receive love and not push love away. A big way to do that is by avoiding conflict. I always thought getting to the bottom of it is the answer to rebuilding damaged relationships. But what I’ve learned is in doing that, you will inevitably end up playing the blame game to do so in many cases. If that is the case, just push past the need to blame or sulk and learn to adjust to the level of relationship the other is telling you they want even if it isn’t what you want. After all that’s preferring them and that’s what love does. At the end of the day, that’s as far as you will get anyway. At that point you have a choice to make. Is this relationship one that gives life to me? Is it a relationship I give life to? If so, continue to slowly rebuild or keep it at a more shallow place as the other desires. If not, graciously just let it be what it be. 😜

 

3- If they create distance, get a clue. They must want the distance. As badly as you don’t, they do. And you can’t judge them and think you know why. I’m so bad at this. I never want distance. I’m such a majorly relational soul. Distance feels like death to me. But guess what, I have to remember that A) Death of some relationships are actually good even though that doesn’t even seem possible to me. B) If I will leave it alone and let people have their space gracefully, maybe it can be restored at a snail pace that is torturous to me…but good thing it’s not all about me {or you}. C) Maybe it doesn’t matter as much to them as it does to me and that’s ok too. Maybe it’s not so much rejection as it is a new, different phase of life and God is just mixing things up a bit for all involved. Maybe it’s a boundary they have and need to cut you or me out of their lives for whatever reason we don’t understand but love would respect their decision and trust God to make up the loss felt.

 

Oh wait, but then that forces us to trust God…Ahaaaaa! Happy people trust God according to scripture. 🤗

Yep, it comes back around to that doesn’t it?! Faith in God to figure it out is actually the only place to find peace when you are at the deepest heart ache of rejection. And peace is what our hearts long for when there is relational unrest. Rest in His peace instead of thinking you have to create it. 

4) What matters is what GOD calls you and what YOU call you, not what “they” call you. People can think they are flowing in the spirit as they criticize you and cause others to doubt who you really are. It’s called a divisive familiar spirit and when Christians do this, they mean well but are simply deceived. It’s ok. God is our rear guard. Unfortunately what goes along with rejection is gossip all too often and from well meaning people who think they are helping. Just withstand it. It’s what leaders do. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it. Don’t lose your footing. That’s the whole strategy of the enemy. Do. Not. Sit. Down. Or. Quit. as bad as it hurts. Do not let a few loud mouths derail your progress or get in your head. Keep your head renewed by the Word of God and keep your heart pure and filled with mercy and grace with prayers like Jesus prayed, “Forgive them Lord. For they know not what they do.” And keep your hands clean by not trying to take up for yourself or disgrace them to try to protect yourself. Just stand firm. When you’ve done all to stand, keep standing and believing for “favor like a shield” as scripture promises us. 

Trust me, if you haven’t started the “Happy ANYWAY” 6 week devotional, it will help so much with all of this because the whole book really was a revelation that no matter what rejection I face wether it’s an angry soul flipping me off in traffic (and if you ask my husband, probably rightfully so 😂) or a person I adore throwing me back (again, most likely, rightfully so🙃) I can be happy ANYWAY only due to trusting my God to NEVER leave me or forsake me. My prayer is that this blog and the book will help your feet get planted to weather even the toughest storm of rejection life throws your way! Now go do something fun soon, get your mind off of it, and get determined to have a great week ANYWAY!

 

Happy Monday!