“…Perfect love casts out fear.” 1 John 4:18

When we let love into our relationships, fear has to go. And that’s oh such a good thing! Here’s why….

Fear shows up in lots of packages:

Insecurity

Control

Anxiety

Assuming the worst

Rejection

Unrealistic expectations

Being offended

The last few times I was upset about a relationship, at a closer look, I realized fear was at the root. Think about it….when you are disappointed or your expectations aren’t met and you start thinking they don’t care because if they did then they would have…….. That is just fear in disguise. Fear of rejection ultimately ~ of them not being willing to go the extra mile like you are or fear that if they don’t care as much as you, then where does that leave you? Lonely

If someone isn’t giving in a relationship as much as you feel like you are and you attempt to control the situation, actually that control is emerging out of fear. It’s fear of loss and you are putting the responsibility solely on yourself to hold the whole thing together. That’s not fair to you. But you are doing it to yourself. Let it be what it is and accept what it is. It’s not all on you. Let go of the fear of loss. Don’t you want to be willingly loved?

Think about the last time you got your feelings hurt because they did this or said that in this way or the other. Were you assuming positive intent or were you assuming you have the gift of discernment and you know why they said it or why they did what they did because after all, you can read minds? Not! You just got offended and offense may be the ugliest form of all the packages fear takes on in relationships. And it has lots of ugly cousins, too. Strife. Shame. Gossip. Division. This form of fear in relationships is one that ends in heart break – no doubt. So next time you get your feelings hurt, let perfect love cast out fear and realize you may have it all wrong. Yes you. Not them. Maybe them, too. But it isn’t always as it seems and that is why people should be counted innocent until proven guilty. If we lived that way, we would so often find that people actually aren’t guilty. If we seek to understand with more effort than to be understood, love would cast out fear in the process.

Next time you start to get anxious about a situation with someone you care about, cast the whole of that anxiety over on to the Lord. His shoulders are much bigger and trust Him. Ps 40:4 says happy people trust in the Lord and if you want joy in your relationships it is going to take you trusting God more than yourself or them.

How does insecurity play into destroying relationships? We were made in God’s image and so we were made to be confident and to actually believe that we are His masterpieces as are all whom we are in relationships with. God’s will for us is righteousness. Insecurity is a righteousness issue. You know that person who walks into a crowd and is almost walking on air, filled with joy and brightens the whole circle when they pop into it as if they just know they are wanted there? That’s what righteousness looks like. When we are in right standing with God, we go to Him boldly as scripture tells us to understanding He is our Daddy who is just waiting for us to come to Him with whatever we need ready to fill ya with His grace and all of His goodness. When we sense our right-standing with friends, family, and coworkers we can be secure and if they do reject us that’s on them because we know who we are and we are good with or without anyone as long as we have Jesus!! THAT is ultimate righteousness and THAT is such a key to healthy relationships.

Who wants a super needy friend who is sucking the life out of you? If we look to Jesus to supply all our needs according to His riches in glory we will come ready to give instead of take all the time, ready to enjoy the relationship rather than fear that it will be gone. And guess what? Sometimes things don’t work out. But when they don’t, God’s got us as long as we put our hope in Him!!! Even then perfect love casts out fear.

Next time you hit a rough spot in a relationship at work or at home or with friends, check YOURSELF & ask yourself what type of fear is at the root of this issue? Ask God to show you and then let love cast out that fear and watch your relationships be repaired, whole, and fun again!

Happy Monday!

XO,

Adrienne Cooley