Have you ever been in a situation where a relationship was threatened or you wanted to be sure the relationship didn’t become threatened?

What do we do in these situations? We so often begin to try to control. Then from control is birthed manipulation. Been there on one side of this or the other? Most of us have found ourselves on both sides of something like this if we are completely honest.

It may sound like this with your kids when you are afraid they may embarrass you in front of someone you are about to visit with, “If you behave, we will stop for ice cream.” LOL Bribery parenting! Don’t look at me like you’ve never done this like I did a time or two! I’m not saying rewarding good behavior is a bad thing. Actually this is a good example of how we can actually do the same thing thing and it can be out of fear of the kids not performing the way you want them to or it can be out of faith in them being who you know they really are. So it isn’t always what we even say or do but what’s behind it for us. And only we know and God knows. One has one outcome and another produces a totally different outcome. This is why we are to examine our hearts allowing the Lord to search out our hearts.

Another thing that made me think of this is a couple days ago we were driving through the mountains of Colorado and I thought Kevin was going too fast. I was in the back seat with no control and he would not slow down. So I began to try to explain that if he loved and cared about me and how I needed him to slow down, he would just slow down even if just for me. But my tone wasn’t quite as calm as it may sound here. I was so scarred for our very lives. But clearly he was in control and I wanted the control. The only way I had any hope of control was through my words. The next day we were in a church service where I was so convicted because though I may or may not have been right that he needed to slow down, (winky face) I was loving him out of fear and it got ugly. We both ended up in a bad mood and irritated with each other. But had I loved out of faith, not driven by so much fear, most likely my tone would have been different and he would have received my request as it wouldn’t have been so offensive and the ride could have been as beautiful for us emotionally as it was physically admiring the amazing beauty of the scenery winding around those mountains.

Or it may sound like all kinds of more complicated scenarios concerning our love being withheld or given freely. Maybe if you do this then I will do that or trying to control someone we love who’s behavior is bothersome or threatens us in some way. We can so need them to stop doing something and they won’t so our go to is control. What can I say or do to try to gain back control?

Loving out of faith looks like empowering the person instead of trying to control them. Speak to the destiny in them. When our “love” is not fueled by fear it’s a freeing love, a love that allows the other person to make a decision that you may not agree with. Fear driven “love” gets ugly every time while love driven by faith that believes the best is beautiful.

Even when things don’t work out the way you want them to but you are loving by faith, there is hope and patience and there is a knowing that no weapon formed against you will prosper. This kind of love trusts God to make up the difference when people leave a gap in love.

We can mope or focus on rejection or being left out when we love with an open hand and heart yet we are not done right or we can focus on the good and look to God for our satisfaction and validation instead of looking to people.

So ask God today to show you who you are loving out of fear and who you are loving out of faith. Then ask him for His perfect love to cast out fear inside of you and in your relationships.

If you will ask Him, He will show you when you switch from faith to fear and get you back on track. .

God, help your perfect love cast out fear in me today! And please do the same for each reader.

Happy Monday!

XO,

Adrienne Cooley

AdrienneCooley.com