Do you find yourself “walking on eggshells” with someone in your life?

I did not grow up in this environment so it is, honestly, the hardest environment for me to thrive in. There were no hidden landmines. They were right out in the open and everyone knew how eachother felt. That came with other things to be worked through and we will get to that common family stress dynamic in the coming weeks as well.

If people in your home or friend group or office are “walking on eggshells”…that’s not peace. That’s fear dressed up as quiet.

Real peace says: “I can be honest and still be safe here.”

When honesty feels risky:

• people withdraw
• or they explode later

Neither builds trust. Safety is built when truth is met with calm—not punishment. So try being honest with something small if you have tried before and it didn’t go well. If you feel like a kid who touched a hot stove and so then think, “not doing that again…” maybe just understand that as long as there is no abuse involved this is not the same as touching a hot stove. If the toughest thing to endure is frustration, awkwardness, or a little fussyness, go for it and this time, if it doesn’t go well, do what may or may not come naturally to you. Challenge the process. Take honesty a step further and say something like, “So if you want me to keep ‘walking on egg shells’ with you, I can, withholding honesty. But just know that eventually leads to withholding closeness, intimacy, and love. I don’t want that but it’s sort of human nature. Or, you can allow me to be honest without punishment and we can try and rebuild a more meaningful, real relationship.”

This is not fun. But it is necessary if you want to enjoy the best parts of life with those you love. Or even with those you spend much of your life with in addition to family…those at work, church, and such. In the eighties, there was a popular saying: no pain, no gain. And I believe people are simply not willing to go through the temporary pain of clarifying conversations to get to the massive gains that would come from them. Don’t be more willing to do this in the gym than you are with those you love the most relationally. It’s very similar. Maybe just one comes more easily than the other. But you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. You can do hard things. Don’t buy the lie that you just can’t because of your personality. We all have to push past what is easiest or most natural for our personalities to do what is right and what works. When I as scripture says in one translation “strain every muscle” to press toward the high calling of Christ regardless of my personality, I take on His identity which supersedes mine in and of myself. Also, though, a huge part of overcoming this common family stress dynamic is being gracious with those who’s natural tendency is this.

Check back next week as we continue discussing the most common family stress dynamics in our culture today and let me know if this has been helpful these last few weeks. I’ve loved hearing from many of you in how this has been a blessing. It’s been fun to unpack and share. We were made to connect and the more we can learn about how to thrive in relationships that mean the most to us, the more we thrive overall. We are generally as happy as our least happy relationship.

Here’s to happy relationships!

Happy Monday!

Adrienne Cooley

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