Mommy, she took my toy!
(5 years old)
Girl, can you believe she said that about me?
(15 years old)
God, I’ve been betrayed and rejected, made to look like the fool if I say anything so I sit in silence with literal pain in my chest aching for that relationship to be restored not even understanding what went wrong!
(25+ years old)
We’ve all been in all of these situations I would guess. Our feelings have been hurt in all kinds of ways. We have a choice:
A- to be offended, mad, self righteous, passive aggressive, or whatever unhealthy way you deal with deep relational pain
B- to forgive and love ANYWAY even if we’ve been violated, slighted, taken advantage of, or made out to look like the bad guy even when we’ve done nothing but try to love people the best we knew how
But the pain….it’s still there either way at least for a while so how to prevent depression, bitterness, and resentment from setting in?
1- We are generally only as happy as our least happy relationship. But good news! If our vertical relationship is in tact (with God) it straightens out our horizontal relationships (with people) one way or the other. People are going to hurt you. Even people who love you and you love. And we may or may not be able to reconcile. Their will is involved- not just ours. If reconciliation doesn’t seem possible, then belt out “Let it go!” like that girl on Frozen! And trust God with it. Easier said than done. Yes! But doable? Yes! We probably all have a situation like this right now or one comes to mind. “Happy people trust the Lord.” Ps 40:4 so want to be happy? Trust God with it and let people go free!
2- Think the best of them. 1 Cor 13 says this is what love does! Even if it looks this way or that, there is usually a perspective you may not see. When we assume the best of people, it sets us free from being judgey and when we refrain from sowing judgement we reap the benefits of love!
3- Best case – Talk to them and see if you can work it out. Communication is key and so often things are a misunderstanding and can be resolved with a little emotional effort and time. Watch your tone and when your #1 aim is to understand more-so than to be understood, this makes for big possibilities of working things out!
#3 👆will only work if there are two willing parties to make things right.
#2 👆is a key to being able to have a pure heart and clean hands no matter if the other rejects your love or accepts it. This isn’t easy but it’s powerful.
#1 👆is where you will find real freedom! Don’t be a slave to offense and let this help you get happy in the same pants you got mad in! Don’t be shocked when people hurt your feelings. Most of the time they didn’t mean to and when they are just being plain hurtful or selfish, you can choose to still go free guarding your heart and choosing to think on things that are lovely and a good report instead of rehearsing the pain over and over in your mind.
May I leave you with this? Just as much as we are not to be door mats and get run over, we are also not to have so many boundaries up we look like a prison keeping people out by the dozens. Both are just as unhealthy and will leave you depleted.
Need Christian friends and want to grow closer to women with your values and who will have your back? Please join me March 20th at 7pm for Happy Hour! Register at AdrienneCooley.com/events and can’t wait to see you there! It’s free and there is childcare!!!
Love and appreciate you!
PS….Join me this Thursday inside my friend Laine Lawson Craft’s public fb group for a candid convo with lots of ladies regarding how to happy! Go to my fb page to find the info @adriennelcooley Look forward to seeing you there! Here is the direct link also! https://m.facebook.com/groups/125658672104894/?ref=pages_profile_groups_tab